I NEVER Thought a NEEDLE Could Feel SOOO Good! - ACT I

A Comedy...

Act I, Scene i - Bed 3 Weeks ago...

Ouch, that seems uncomfortable, hmm, hip and back feeling not so good....

Act I, Scene ii - 'The Ride'

HOLY Bat Sh*t Man, I can barely get in the car. This is worse than I thought. Put you right leg in, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh.... Put you left leg in uuuuuuuugggg. Sit down aiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee... (Notice the pattern). Long story short, drove two footed to the Chiropractor.

Act II, Scene i

Later that day - Chiropractor

(Twist that thing that way.... That Seems to get better. Twist this other thing the other way. MARY MOTHER OF GOD....Expletive, Expletive, Expletive...)

Act II, Scene ii - Next Day - Chiropractor

(Twist that that way.... Better. Twist this thing this way... F*CK...)
Captain Crack the Back - "It appears that whatever we are doing (Who the F*ck is this WE THING) is causing more aggravation, but the signs you are giving me, your spine is actually defying gravity in reference to the entirety of your back." Really, me unusual...Who would have thunk? Funny, doesn't one think that I could find much more fun and better ways to defy gravity?

Act II, Scene iii - Next, Next Day - Chiropractor

(Twist that way... Ok. Twist this thing the OTHER WAY ... AHH...Slight relief.)
Captain Crack the Back - Well, you are defying the laws of gravity, but I think we have this on the run.
Moose - (Pain Radiates) Sure... (Limps out of office)

Act II, Scene iv - Next, Next, Next Day - Chiropractor
Moose - Ok Doc, I had to use my cell phone to call my parents from MY BED to land line in their bedroom, this isn't good"
Captain... Wow, no kidding, I thought we had this thing on the run... (Chuckle)
Moose - Ahhh... Nooo... X-RAYs NOW!
Captain... - Yeah, you ain't getting any better.
Moose - Uggg!

ACT II, Scene v - Later - Captain's Office...
Captain - I don't know why those X-ray didn't come out, I hit you with enough stuff to go through a Moose.
Moose - (aside) A Moose, gee go figure, I am as big as a REAL moose now. That's encouraging. AND stuff, radiation is now classified as stuff? Ugggg...
Round 2 X-Rays
Moose - (queasy) Hey Doc, maybe your developer is going bad?
Captain - Hmmm...Perhaps, but I don't think so...
Moose - (Aside) I knew I wasn't a big as a moose!
- Lighting Change -
Captain - No kidding your spine is actually defying gravity.
Moose - Perhaps its two different injuries...
Captain - Maybe...
(Twist that, uuggggg. Twist there, nooooooo! Finally we'll give that a turn.
Moose - Mommieeeeeeeeee...

Act III, Scene i - Next, Next, Next, Next Day - Chiropractor
Captain - How ya feeling?
Moose - (monosyllabic tones, drooling, basic oogah boogah stuff)
Captain - That good?
Moose - Shoot Me (Refer to God smiting the groin and what that can feel like)!
Captain - Maybe you are too inflamed. Anything we are doing, isn't actually doing anything.
Sexy Married Receptionist - Husband, pain, doctor, go there... (I think I heard the part about a husband) ...I'll call and get you and appointment.
Moose - (Suave) Thanks. (Turns, reverts to caveman) Ugggg. (Hobbles out)

Act III, Scene ii - The Medicine Man's Office
Moose - Owwiiiiiiieeeeeee!
The Nurse - You don't look too mobile...
Moose - Ah no...(wince, ouch, yada yada)
The Nurse - Weight 2**. Not bad.
Moose - Damnit I gained 10 lbs being injured. GRRRR... This *bleeping* sucks!
The Nurse - (Taking Blood Pressure) Blood Pressure is up.
Moose - (Rambling on and on about needles begins)

BLACK OUT